I should not cry though I'm broken inside
Why should I mope all day long
Living above takes the sting from these wounds
And I'm living by faith and not by sight
Then I hear His voice gently calling my name
Love to hear His voice in the cool of, in the cool of the day, and...
I love you my son
I love you my son
And I want to tell you that you're on my mind
The funny things you say and do and I love,
I love that you're mine
I know your name and I weep when you hurt
And I cheer when you win
Because you are my son
I will come when you call
I will hear your prayers
And I will fight for my name
Because you are my son, you are my son
Loving me when I am unlovable
You're patient when I'm far from it
Keeping no records of all of our wrongs
And His love has cancelled our debts
And I stand in awe of Your infinite grace
Knowing that you took our sin with its, with its sentence of death
And I love you my son
And I love you my son
And I want to tell you that you're on my mind
The funny things you say and do and I love,
I love that you're mine
I know your name and I weep when you hurt
And I cheer when you win
Because you are my son
I will come when you call
I will hear your prayers
And I will fight for my name
Because you are my son, you are my son
-Hadn't heard this song in awhile. It was running through my head last night after a long, stressful day.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
The Older I Get
the walls between
you and i
always pushing us apart
nothing left but scars
fight after fight
the space between
our coming rage
started growing short
it disappearing slowly day after day
i was sitting there waiting in my room for you
you were waiting for me too
and it makes me wonder
the older i get
will i get over it
spending way too long for the times we miss
i didnt know that it would hurt like this
but i think
the older i get
maybe ill get over it
spending way too long for the times we miss
i cant believe it still hurts like this
the time between
those cutting words
built a bond of fences
never made no sense
it just made me hurt
do you believe
that time heals all wounds
it started getting better
but its easy not to fight when im not with you
i was sitting there waiting in my room for you
you were waiting for me too
and it makes me wonder
the older i get
will i get over it
spending way too long for the times we miss
i didnt know that it would hurt like this
but i think
the older i get
maybe ill get over it
spending way too long for the times we miss
i cant believe it still hurts like this
what was i waiting for
i should have taken less and given you more
i should have wethered the storm
i need to say so bad
what were you waiting for
this could have been the best weve ever had
oh
the older i get
will i get over it
spending way too long for the times we miss
i didnt know that it would hurt like this
but i think
the older i get
maybe ill get over it
spending way too long for the times we miss
i cant believe it still hurts like this
im just getting older
im not getting over you
im trying to wish
it didnt hurt like this
spending way too long for the times we miss
i cant believe it still hurts like this
- Skillet, 'The Older I Get'
you and i
always pushing us apart
nothing left but scars
fight after fight
the space between
our coming rage
started growing short
it disappearing slowly day after day
i was sitting there waiting in my room for you
you were waiting for me too
and it makes me wonder
the older i get
will i get over it
spending way too long for the times we miss
i didnt know that it would hurt like this
but i think
the older i get
maybe ill get over it
spending way too long for the times we miss
i cant believe it still hurts like this
the time between
those cutting words
built a bond of fences
never made no sense
it just made me hurt
do you believe
that time heals all wounds
it started getting better
but its easy not to fight when im not with you
i was sitting there waiting in my room for you
you were waiting for me too
and it makes me wonder
the older i get
will i get over it
spending way too long for the times we miss
i didnt know that it would hurt like this
but i think
the older i get
maybe ill get over it
spending way too long for the times we miss
i cant believe it still hurts like this
what was i waiting for
i should have taken less and given you more
i should have wethered the storm
i need to say so bad
what were you waiting for
this could have been the best weve ever had
oh
the older i get
will i get over it
spending way too long for the times we miss
i didnt know that it would hurt like this
but i think
the older i get
maybe ill get over it
spending way too long for the times we miss
i cant believe it still hurts like this
im just getting older
im not getting over you
im trying to wish
it didnt hurt like this
spending way too long for the times we miss
i cant believe it still hurts like this
- Skillet, 'The Older I Get'
Monday, March 22, 2010
I have every reason to be excited. Things are finally looking up in places where only a few months ago I saw nothing but hopelessness. I feel like God is giving me a glimpse of what he's doing and where he's taking me. This whole stretch of the journey has been two years in the making.
Even with all the excitement going on around me, I'm still struggling with...myself. Right now, the fight isn't against other people who would tear me down, but my attempts at destroying myself from the inside.
My insecurities are at an all time high and they don't seem to be falling anytime soon.
Even with all the excitement going on around me, I'm still struggling with...myself. Right now, the fight isn't against other people who would tear me down, but my attempts at destroying myself from the inside.
My insecurities are at an all time high and they don't seem to be falling anytime soon.
Monday, March 15, 2010
And now...
The continuing story of Jesus not looking like he usually does.
We'd planned to take the kids from our church bowling. April and I made up invitations that looked like bowling balls (my my wife is hella-creative) and we sent them out to the 5 kids that come to our church, along with an invitation to the kids of a couple we are friends with. I reserved two bowling lanes, thinking that would be enough.
Man, was I wrong.
We ended up needing 4 lanes we had so many kids and parents bowling. The friends we invited brought a family with them we didn't know, so that added a couple more. After the bowling was all done, everyone (all 26 of us) drove back to our house for grilled hot dogs, hamburgers and some pretty darned good BBQ chicken. People ate tons, kids ran around outside and a bunch of us chatted until later in the evening. Dustin even got our fireplace started up for us! We'd been wondering how to do that for the past two years :)
Sunday morning was, well, mind blowing. The friends I mentioned in the last post came to church yesterday. He has no church background at all and she grew up Catholic. I tried to be so mindful of them, knowing this was all brand new for them. Turns out he really enjoyed it and it looks like they will be coming back.
Communion yesterday morning was, in a word, an encounter with God. I've had meaningful experiences before during communion, but God's presence was so strong to me yesterday. I think as I sat and considered the meaning of communion in the context of my sermon (I talked about how since God has extended grace to us, we need to extend it to others), I was able to extend grace to a few people that have wounded me.
Jesus is continually shattering my image of him. It seems with every pre-conceived notion I have about how he works or who he's working on, he seems to come up from behind me and yell 'Surprise!'
We'd planned to take the kids from our church bowling. April and I made up invitations that looked like bowling balls (my my wife is hella-creative) and we sent them out to the 5 kids that come to our church, along with an invitation to the kids of a couple we are friends with. I reserved two bowling lanes, thinking that would be enough.
Man, was I wrong.
We ended up needing 4 lanes we had so many kids and parents bowling. The friends we invited brought a family with them we didn't know, so that added a couple more. After the bowling was all done, everyone (all 26 of us) drove back to our house for grilled hot dogs, hamburgers and some pretty darned good BBQ chicken. People ate tons, kids ran around outside and a bunch of us chatted until later in the evening. Dustin even got our fireplace started up for us! We'd been wondering how to do that for the past two years :)
Sunday morning was, well, mind blowing. The friends I mentioned in the last post came to church yesterday. He has no church background at all and she grew up Catholic. I tried to be so mindful of them, knowing this was all brand new for them. Turns out he really enjoyed it and it looks like they will be coming back.
Communion yesterday morning was, in a word, an encounter with God. I've had meaningful experiences before during communion, but God's presence was so strong to me yesterday. I think as I sat and considered the meaning of communion in the context of my sermon (I talked about how since God has extended grace to us, we need to extend it to others), I was able to extend grace to a few people that have wounded me.
Jesus is continually shattering my image of him. It seems with every pre-conceived notion I have about how he works or who he's working on, he seems to come up from behind me and yell 'Surprise!'
Monday, March 8, 2010
Lord of the...Date Night?
My personal theology says that the Jesus is the Lord of everything...not just creation, but every area of my life; my relationships, my job, my hobbies...and date night with my wife?
A couple of weeks ago, I asked my wife to keep March 5th open, because we were going to go out, just the two of us! It's been awhile since we've done that and I was in need of just some 'Jim and April' time, no kids attached! We decided we'd go out to a fancy dinner (which meant Red Lobster for us) and have some time for the two of us...like I mentioned in a previous post, lots of changes going on in our lives. I thought this would give us a chance to talk about what's been happening.
On Wednesday of last week, April informed me that a couple we are friends with would like to come along with us...I was really looking forward to time with just April, but I knew our friends were going through some challenges, much bigger than what we are facing. As much as I wanted April to myself for the evening, I told her to invite them along. In my heart though, I pouted a bit. I didn't want to share my time with April (and notice I just called it MY time...)
So we get to dinner and it doesn't take long before the Lord invades our conversation. This is a couple we have been praying for and the conversation almost immediately becomes a spiritual one - not on our part, but on the part of our friends. They shared their hearts with us about what's happening in their lives and there is no doubt in my mind God is drawing them to himself.
As the night ended, I began to think about how selfish I had been...what if I had demanded this night be about April and I? What an opportunity we would have missed!
So from this, I learned a couple things...first, keep your eyes open. God's doing something, somewhere. If you don't look around, you might miss it. Second, the best kind of evangelism is when you are open about your faith with your friends and you're building a relationship with them. No program can replace that. And finally, Jesus IS Lord of all...I've sang that line many times, but I learned how true it is in a booth at Red Lobster.
A couple of weeks ago, I asked my wife to keep March 5th open, because we were going to go out, just the two of us! It's been awhile since we've done that and I was in need of just some 'Jim and April' time, no kids attached! We decided we'd go out to a fancy dinner (which meant Red Lobster for us) and have some time for the two of us...like I mentioned in a previous post, lots of changes going on in our lives. I thought this would give us a chance to talk about what's been happening.
On Wednesday of last week, April informed me that a couple we are friends with would like to come along with us...I was really looking forward to time with just April, but I knew our friends were going through some challenges, much bigger than what we are facing. As much as I wanted April to myself for the evening, I told her to invite them along. In my heart though, I pouted a bit. I didn't want to share my time with April (and notice I just called it MY time...)
So we get to dinner and it doesn't take long before the Lord invades our conversation. This is a couple we have been praying for and the conversation almost immediately becomes a spiritual one - not on our part, but on the part of our friends. They shared their hearts with us about what's happening in their lives and there is no doubt in my mind God is drawing them to himself.
As the night ended, I began to think about how selfish I had been...what if I had demanded this night be about April and I? What an opportunity we would have missed!
So from this, I learned a couple things...first, keep your eyes open. God's doing something, somewhere. If you don't look around, you might miss it. Second, the best kind of evangelism is when you are open about your faith with your friends and you're building a relationship with them. No program can replace that. And finally, Jesus IS Lord of all...I've sang that line many times, but I learned how true it is in a booth at Red Lobster.
Friday, March 5, 2010
In Your Dreams
I wanted to start this new blog because there is so much going on right now and I am trying to make sense of it. I have found when I am journaling (or blogging, I guess), it helps me make sense of what's happening. So often as I've been writing and examining what's going on around me, the Lord seems to find a way to get my attention.
So what does it mean to 'Exit The Fall'? In order to understand that, I have to share with you where I got the phrase (it's not original - I'm not that creative). 'Exit The Fall' is a line from a song called 'Exit Calypsan (Only In My Dreams)'
The inspiration for the song comes from Psalm 73:20, which talks about how the life of the wicked is only a dream that will be gone when they wake up. The singer is imploring people to wake up from their sinful lives and 'exit the fall', that is, walk away from their sin and turn to Christ.
Exit Calypsan (Only In My Dreams)
This white blows, so softly
The movement still is in my mind
This flag from in Reedsport
Will start to catch beneath the wind
Catch beneath the wind
It's only in your dreams
It's only in your dreams
So exit the fall and now it's over
It's only in your dreams
This flight comes, it's nameless
The dark is calling out my name
Escape with no traces
This movement burns inside my veins
Burns inside my veins
By now this tide is here
I thought I made it clear
This is the threat
This is the fall
And now it's over...
So what does it mean to 'Exit The Fall'? In order to understand that, I have to share with you where I got the phrase (it's not original - I'm not that creative). 'Exit The Fall' is a line from a song called 'Exit Calypsan (Only In My Dreams)'
The inspiration for the song comes from Psalm 73:20, which talks about how the life of the wicked is only a dream that will be gone when they wake up. The singer is imploring people to wake up from their sinful lives and 'exit the fall', that is, walk away from their sin and turn to Christ.
Exit Calypsan (Only In My Dreams)
This white blows, so softly
The movement still is in my mind
This flag from in Reedsport
Will start to catch beneath the wind
Catch beneath the wind
It's only in your dreams
It's only in your dreams
So exit the fall and now it's over
It's only in your dreams
This flight comes, it's nameless
The dark is calling out my name
Escape with no traces
This movement burns inside my veins
Burns inside my veins
By now this tide is here
I thought I made it clear
This is the threat
This is the fall
And now it's over...
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